Katy Perry felt ‘ashamed and f***ed up’ after having medication for first time
Katy Perry has spoken out about the moment her self-doubt and depression led her to requiring medication to help bring her life balance back in order
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Pregnant Katy Perry has opened up about the moment she was placed on medication to help her with the self-doubt and depression which was threatening to engulf her life.
The 35-year-old pop star is about to give birth to her first child and she has been a reflective mood, as she looked back at the moment where she was staring into the void.
There was a time when her music was not healing the inner hurt and Katy said she felt “ashamed” that she had to turn to medication to help her through this time.
Before she was able to “Smile” again, Katy Perry went through bouts of depression and self-doubt.
Speaking to Apple Music’s Zane Lowe ahead of the release of her new album Smile, on August 28, Katy said: “The older you get, the more real life gets and the harder it gets to hold onto the pain that helped you create.
“No longer is that pain helping you create songs.
“It’s just tormenting your mind at that point, especially in your 30s, when just life, things start to ache.”
Katy explained why this is, saying: “Your body starts to not function. Your metabolism goes south. All things start to change in your 30s, but there’s so much clarity that comes from it as well.
“I was getting pretty high off my own supply for a long time, and then it just didn’t work after Witness.”
This was her fifth studio album, released in 2017, and was not as well received as her previous ventures.
Katy said that she used to beat depression by writing songs, but had found that this fix was not working.
She continued: “I realised, ‘Oh my God. I have given so much power out for validation and acceptance and love, and now it’s not coming back to me.’
“I used to really be able to fix my depression or my bouts of depression by just going, ‘I’m going to write a freaking song,’ or, ‘I’m going to do this. So blah, blah, blah.
“I’m going to whatever. I’ll leave you in the dust. You break up with me, I’ll show you. Here’s a No. 1 one.’ It didn’t work anymore.”
There was a moment when it all changed though, and the American Idol judge said she can pinpoint when it was and how she turned to more personal lyrics for her pop songs.
Katy said: “I broke up with my boyfriend. My expectations weren’t met and the world didn’t want to hear from me anymore at that moment.
“They were like, ‘That’s enough. Thank you very much. You’ve given us something and we’re good.’
“And I just couldn’t get out of bed for weeks and became clinically depressed and had to get on medication for the first time in my life.”
This was a low point for Katy and she reacted negatively to it. She added: “I was so ashamed of it. I was like, ‘I’m Katy Perry. I wrote ‘Firework.’ I’m on medication. This is f***ed up.’ “
Katy then went on to reveal how she coped with fame while trying to heal her mental health.
She continued: “Even when you’re the most famous person on the planet, coming from me, I mean, this is my own experience.
“I still didn’t feel good enough. I still didn’t feel like I was in the club. I still didn’t feel worth it.
“I just was like, ‘This is really happening to me? And also like, why me?’ Not why me, but just like, I never really got to fully enjoy it because I never accepted it. You know?
“Because the truth of the matter is, is fame is a by-product for me. It’s not the reason why I started my career. It’s not the reason why I write the songs.”
Katy added: “For me, music was so, and still is, so healing.”
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