Did you hear about the Vikings? No, not the Minnesota Vikings, the Viking Vikings.
Apparently, the Vikings were not blonde! There was some sweeping gene study that discovered that those conquerors of Europe in the 8th through the 11th century were not blonde Scandinavians; they were probably just brown- and black-haired guys.
So, Vikings didn’t have blonde hair. Who cares? Well, I do!
Because as you can see, I’m a guy with blonde hair. Well, I’m a guy with thinning blonde hair. My point is that being a blonde guy is not that cool or associated with much positivity.
And I’m not just talking about the whole World War II propaganda stuff. Even as a child, whenever there was a bad guy in a movie, he always had blonde hair. Even in “Planet of the Apes” the most evil ape was, of course, a blonde ape.
And it wasn’t just my childhood. The Malfoys and the Lannisters were evil, horrible people … that had blonde hair.
In the television show “True Blood,” a show about vampires, the most evil vampire had blonde hair.
That makes sense.
Now, I’m not saying the real Vikings were angels. Maybe they were House Slytheran or a Kobra Kai, but they seemed to possess a certain nobility and mystique. The Vikings had the most awe-inspiring funerals.
And, now we know they didn’t have blonde hair.
… I’m just a weirdo.
Week 1: Family life under lockdown
Week 2: Life in quarantine is like a sitcom
Week 3: Spring arrives!
Week 4: Lessons of “distance learning”
Week 5: Kids, quarantine and sanity are not compatible
Week 6: Consuming all news, all the time
Week 7: Jim Gaffigan discovers he misses strangers
Week 8: On sharing dinner with the masses
Week 9: On living in unprecedented times
Week 10: Are we REALLY all in this together?
Week 11: On not knowing what comes next
Jim Gaffigan on what dads REALLY want on Father’s Day
Jim Gaffigan on getting the whole lockdown thing wrong
2020, please turn your notifications off
Jim Gaffigan on his first drive-in standup show
On living in a time warp
On acquiring a green thumb
Back to (home) school
Summer memories, ’50s style
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Story produced by Julie Kracov. Editor: Emanuele Secci.