Jim Gaffigan on acquiring a green thumb

Jim Gaffigan on acquiring a green thumb

There’s been a mistake.

I understand we are all coping with the pandemic in our own way. And generally, we’ve embraced one of three activities: There are the bakers, the gardeners, and the exercisers. I’m usually exempt from group activities because I don’t like people. Also, I have five kids and no time. I mean, my wife and I, we couldn’t even find a couple hours to watch “Tiger King.”

Yet, somehow, I ended up a gardener.

I can’t be a gardener! Gardeners are old, and … well, I’m not that old. Also, I live in New York City! (Well, I normally do.) I’m not a fan of the outdoors. And vegetables? Well, vegetables and I have never gotten along. Yet somehow over the last two months, I find myself puttering around plants and gardening.

I blame the house we rented in June. I noticed the rental house had some raised garden beds. I thought, OK, we’ll plant some seeds. That’s something the kids can do while I nap. Well, the kids lost interest immediately, but I continued to water and tend and, well, garden.

Jim Gaffigan’s bounty.

CBS News

Through gardening I found something I couldn’t get from binge-watching, a Zoom meeting, or even a cheeseburger. I acquired control. Well, some control. Obviously I can’t control a global pandemic. But I can plant a seed, make sure it gets water, and grow something where there used to just be dirt.

It’s not just the accomplishment of growing something that wasn’t there. It’s the autonomy. It’s something I did during the pandemic by myself. Alone!

I didn’t stop there. In early July I converted a nearby patch of dirt into a second garden, like an agricultural imperialist.

Before and after shots of the results of Jim Gaffigan’s cultivation.

CBS News

I have two gardens. Two vegetable-producing empires! I’m virtually self-sufficient … if only I wanted to eat anything I’ve grown.

Know anyone who wants 10,000 green beans?

See also:

    Week 1: Family life under lockdown

    Week 2: Life in quarantine is like a sitcom

    Week 3: Spring arrives!

    Week 4: Lessons of “distance learning”

    Week 5: Kids, quarantine and sanity are not compatible

    Week 6: Consuming all news, all the time

    Week 7: Jim Gaffigan discovers he misses strangers

    Week 8: On sharing dinner with the masses

    Week 9: On living in unprecedented times

    Week 10: Are we REALLY all in this together?

    Week 11: On not knowing what comes next

    Jim Gaffigan on what dads REALLY want on Father’s Day

    Jim Gaffigan on getting the whole lockdown thing wrong

    2020, please turn your notifications off

    Jim Gaffigan on his first drive-in standup show

    On living in a time warp

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Story produced by Julie Kracov. Editor: Lauren Barnello.