Phillip Schofield's weight plummeted to 9st as he wrestled over coming out as gay
Phillip Schofield has told that This Morning viewers had started to notice his weight loss as he contemplated coming out as gay
Phillip Schofield has told of how he wrestled with the decision to come out as gay - revealing his weight plummeted from the stress and inner turmoil.
This Morning star Phil, 58, told the world he was gay in February this year, issuing an emotional statement on social media before giving a tearful interview with co-host and pal Holly Willoughby.
Over the Christmas and New Year period before, Phil tells that he "sobbed quietly in the dark" over his decision.
And in his new autobiography, Life's What You Make It, he writes that his pain was such that he refused to eat, despite the best efforts of wife Steph.
Phil writes: "My weight dropped, and as it hit 9st 12lbs the This Morning viewers started to notice.
"I was getting tweets from people asking if I was ill."
It hit his sleep, too, getting by on just two hours a night.
"It's like being inside the blackest cloud and being consumed by crushing, desperate sadness," Phil recalls.
"Nothing and no one can make it better."
And he told of his huge guilt toward Steph when he told her he was attracted to men.
"I didn't know I was gay when I married Steph," Phil adds. "If I had, I wouldn't have gotten married."
Phillip told during an appearance on The One Show that he couldn't have gone ahead with his brave This Morning interview if it hadn't been Holly sat next to him.
The two are daytime TV staples and as well as being colleagues, they've become close friends.
"I couldn't have done that with anyone else," he shared with Michelle Acklerley and Michael Ball on The One Show.
"I wouldn't have wanted anyone else sitting beside me."
NTA-winner Phil continued: "We'd had a big lead up to that moment. When I knew what I had to do, Holly was one of the first people that I told."
In his social media statement, Phil penned: "You never know what's going on in someone's seemingly perfect life, what issues they are struggling with, or the state of their wellbeing - and so you won't know what's been consuming me for the last few years.
"With the strength and support of my wife and daughters, I have been coming to terms with the fact that I am gay."
He finished by urging kindness, especially toward his family.
If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operates a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email Jo@samaritans.org if you'd prefer to write down how you feel. You are not alone.
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