Louise Redknapp's devastating realisation that convinced her to leave Jamie marriage
Despite being knocked for six by the end of her marriage to Jamie Redknapp, Louise Redknapp knew that something had to change
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For almost two decades, Louise Redknapp dedicated herself to being a devoted wife and mother, turning her back on fame to look after her family.
She and husband Jamie, 47, appeared to have a perfect relationship - which is why fans were floored when rumours of an impending divorce first started to swirl in 2017.
By December that year their split had been finalised, and Louise - who turns 46 today - set about rebuilding her life and career as a single woman.
"I feel I’m coming back to who I really am," she told the Telegraph in her first post-split interview.
"I have spent most of my life pleasing everyone else, worrying about being judged and thinking I should always do the right thing by staying at home, looking after my kids and my husband. I lost myself.
"I’d think of my past life as a pop star as being 'not reality'. Looking after the house and my family was my reality. I became a sort of Stepford Wife, wanting to be perfect at it."
Indeed, from the moment she was introduced to Jamie by Robbie Williams in 1995 when her band Eternal was touring with Take That, she selflessly decided her needs would take second place.
"Sport came first. Which was part of the reason I loved Jamie, because he had so much passion for what he did. I wanted to make him happy," she told the Telegraph's Stella magazine last year.
Louise had enjoyed a significant amount of success in her own right, winning a scholarship to exclusive stage school, Italia Conti, when she was 11, and joining Eternal aged 16.
By 19 she had sold 10 million records with the band and went on to make five solo abums.
But she gave it all up when her first son Charley was born in 2004, following a painful four-year battle to conceive.
Having been diagnosed with endometriosis one year into her marriage, she underwent laser surgery in a bid to conceive.
Then with both sons, she suffered chloasma - facial pigmentation - which hit her confidence hard.
"But I wanted kids so much, I was happy to put everything on hold for them," she said.
However, as the boys grew and needed her less and Jamie began carving out a successful career in TV, Louise was overtaken by 'pure panic'.
"I was lonely and I felt like I had nothing to say," she told the Guardian.
"Standing by and watching Jamie become this entertainment star was pretty hard," she admitted in another interview.
"I was proud of him, but there was part of me thinking, 'that's my world.'"
It was a stint on Strictly Come Dancing in 2016 that changed everything. After reaching the final of the BBC One show with pro dancer Kevin Clifton, Louise was struck by the overwhelming realisation that going back to her old life as a stay-at-home mum wasn't an option.
She continued to Stella magazine: "I wanted to sing, I wanted to perform. I wanted to go back to work on a stage in front of an audience. I actually felt physically sick at the idea that I’d never have that buzz again, that fulfilment I get from performing. And that is when the sh*t hit the fan. No one could understand why it was so desperately important to me."
Louise moved out of the marital home and filed for divorce.
What followed were successful stints in West End shows Cabaret and 9 to 5, as well as her comeback album, Heavy Love. But nevertheless, the end of her marriage knocked Louise for six.
Describing their union as "traditional", the star explained how she kept her confidence crisis hidden out of fear people "would think I was nuts."
"I wish I’d been able to just speak up. For a long time it was easy to blame him," she told You magazine.
"But it was down to me to say, 'Something’s not right. My self-esteem is really struggling. I’ve got no passion.
"I wish I’d just gone, 'Right, the kids are getting older, and I love my job and I’m going to give it a real go, and Jamie, if you don’t like it, tough. But if you do like it, let’s talk about it.'"
Her biggest regret, she told the Guardian, was not opening up to her husband, because if she had then "at least I’d have known I tried."
And the pain of their split is something that will stay with Louise for the rest of her life.
"There'll never be a day that I don't feel sad about it because he was my husband for 20 years and the love I had for him will never leave me," she previously told Metro.
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